he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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