I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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