Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
