the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
