he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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