I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
