How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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