Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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