he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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