Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize