i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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