I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
