You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
