I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
