Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
