Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
