tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize