i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
