i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
