why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
