Please, let me fuck your mom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
