This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
