I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
