i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
