My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
