It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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