It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
