it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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