Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
