Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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