if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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