It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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