You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Alive.
So much puke
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
