Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
