i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
