And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
