hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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