All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
