she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
