Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
