For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
