im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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