I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
