idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
