The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
