Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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