just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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