Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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