I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
