I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
