come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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