you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize