I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
