Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
