I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
