You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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