at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
