dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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