My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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