so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
