After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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