good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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