Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
