her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
