Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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