There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
