saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
