So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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