I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
