Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
