I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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