We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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