She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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