I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
