U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
