Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
