Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
