Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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