if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
