i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
