at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
