I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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