The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
