I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize