Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
