Screwed.edu
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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