Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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