Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
