There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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