you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize