i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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