What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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