What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
