Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
