hotel room ftw
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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