He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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