i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
