1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
