the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
