Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
