i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
