I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
