Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
