hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dicks are not precious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
