I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize