we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize