I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
