I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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