R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I checked into jail on foursquare
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize