i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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