i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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