i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
