Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
